Ch. 162 - An Absurd Life Needs No Explanation
It's Perfectly Normal for my Slime to beat up a Dragon, Right?This chapter is broken. Please report this on discord.
This chapter is broken. Please report this on discord.
Outside the cultivation chamber door.
Shen Wushuang stood with a slight smile, watching Chen Shu inside.
Chen Shu's expression yesterday had made it abundantly clear — this kid had zero interest in cultivation and was absolutely planning to bolt.
That was precisely why he'd stationed himself at the door, with the Black-White Python guarding the ground below.
Chen Shu was trapped. Not even wings could save him now.
"You forced me into this, Old Shen!"
Chen Shu returned to his original spot, lay flat on his back, and opened the urea bag.
He popped a Beast Taming Pearl into his mouth, and a surge of Beast Taming Power immediately coursed through his body.
"Mmm... now THAT'S an easy way to cultivate!"
Chen Shu stretched lazily, smacking his lips all the while.
But the people around him acted as though they hadn't heard a thing, continuing their cultivation undisturbed.
"Holy crap, they're THIS composed?!"
Chen Shu got up and walked over to each person. No matter what he said, nobody reacted.
"Should I just beat someone up?"
He rubbed his chin, locking his gaze onto Tang Lie.
Just then, a massive snake head appeared outside the window, as if issuing a warning.
"Violence was never really my thing anyway. Guess I'll have to find another approach."
Chen Shu's mouth twitched, and he abandoned that option.
"Let's see what you can do about it."
Shen Wushuang smirked, confident that as long as nobody paid Chen Shu any attention, he'd eventually get bored and start cultivating on his own.
"The Black-White Python can keep an eye on you for now."
Shen Wushuang headed off toward the bathroom.
At that moment, Chen Shu was already rummaging through his backpack. He pulled out... a portable barbecue grill.
Next came charcoal, alcohol, metal skewers...
His assembly speed was terrifyingly practiced. Within minutes, the entire BBQ setup was ready to go.
"Grilled Beast Taming Pearls, love eating 'em, the sooner you die the more you should eat, if you don't eat now you'll never get the chance again..."
Chen Shu hummed his little tune as he laid the skewers across the grill.
The charcoal blazed furiously. Smoke billowed outward, completely overpowering the ambient spiritual energy that permeated the room.
Outside the window, the Black-White Python could only stare at Chen Shu in blank confusion.
With its limited intelligence, comprehending this level of absurdity was simply beyond its capabilities.
Never mind a contract spirit — even an ordinary person would've been completely dumbfounded by this scene...
"Cough... cough..."
Xie Sunan and Xu Xingxing were closest, and the smoke choked them awake almost immediately.
When the two of them spotted Chen Shu through the haze, their eyes went wide, as though witnessing something that defied all human decency.
"Holy shit! You're BBQ'ing in the Beast Taming Dojo?!"
Xie Sunan's mouth twitched. He'd underestimated Chen Shu's capacity for absurdity yet again...
"You truly know no fear..."
Xu Xingxing was equally stunned.
The very next second, he leaned in. "Did you bring meat skewers?"
"..."
Before long, the smoke had spread everywhere. Students woke up one after another, forcibly jolted out of their cultivation state.
It wouldn't cause any lasting damage, but nobody was happy about it — like being slapped across the face in the middle of a deep sleep.
"Chen Shu, what the hell are you up to NOW?!"
Xia Bing stared at Chen Shu through the smoke, dark lines running across her forehead.
She suddenly realized that Chen Shu's absurdity truly had no lower bound...
No matter what he did at this point, it qualified as normal behavior.
"Uh..."
Chen Shu looked up and saw smoke swirling in every direction, as though he'd stumbled into some ethereal fairyland...
"What the f—?! What kind of charcoal IS this?!"
He realized something was very wrong. He could barely even see the people around him anymore.
The smoke was spreading at an unimaginable rate!
This is bad! If Old Shen finds out, he'll bury me on the spot!
"Chen Pi, something's not right — put the fire out first!"
Xu Xingxing casually grabbed a bottle, worried that Chen Shu was about to burn down the entire dojo...
Chen Shu took it and immediately doused the flames.
In that instant, the fire surged upward in a roaring blaze...
"Are you kidding me?! Why the hell did you hand me ALCOHOL?!"
Chen Shu's eyes nearly popped out of his skull as he let loose a furious curse.
Xu Xingxing was just as shocked. "I just grabbed whatever was closest! Who the hell brings alcohol on a field trip?!"
In a flash, flames erupted, smoke engulfed everything, and alarms blared from every direction.
The scene descended into total chaos.
Students stampeded toward the exit, not daring to waste another second.
"Hey! Xia Bing, don't run! Use your Ice Wolf to put out the fire!"
But nobody heard him. The cultivation chamber was empty save for Chen Shu himself...
"Screw it, I'm running too!"
Chen Shu grabbed his backpack and urea bag and bolted for the door.
Shen Wushuang had just emerged from the bathroom. Even from a distance, he could see the smoke pouring from the cultivation chamber.
"Huh? The dojo's spiritual energy has gotten THIS dense?"
He raised an eyebrow — and immediately spotted Chen Shu making a break for it.
"Chen Pi, freeze!"
Assuming the kid was trying to escape, Shen Wushuang grabbed him with one hand.
"Teacher Shen, forget about me — put out the fire! The dojo's about to go up in flames!"
"What?"
Shen Wushuang's mind went blank. Then he saw the blaze raging inside the cultivation chamber.
His expression shifted to alarm. He summoned his Ice Phoenix and effortlessly extinguished the fire with a single skill.
But the thick smoke stubbornly refused to dissipate.
Moments later, the dojo's staff arrived.
The two of them left the building, and everyone else in the complex filed outside as well. Smoke still cloaked the fifth-floor cultivation chamber like a shroud.
"What happened? How did a fire break out all of a sudden?"
"I've been here for years and never seen anything like this. Absolutely bizarre!"
"I bet someone did it on purpose."
"Bullshit — who would set a fire inside a Beast Taming Dojo?!"
The crowd buzzed with speculation, baffled by the fire's origin.
Only the Special Training Class students kept their eyes locked on Chen Shu, demanding an explanation.
Chen Shu, however, showed no sign of panic. He clenched his fists lightly and assumed an expression of righteous indignation.
"How despicable! If I catch that arsonist...!!"
"..."
You really are something else, you know that?
"Xiaoyu, tell me what happened."
Shen Wushuang turned to Xu Xiaoyu.
Suddenly, his gaze sharpened. He smiled warmly. "Chen Pi, if you try to run, I'll bury you right here and now."
"Heh... heh..."
Chen Shu let out a dry laugh and stopped in his tracks.
Ten minutes later, Shen Wushuang's expression had become indescribable — caught somewhere between a smile and a grimace, between laughter and rage.
"You BBQ'd in the Beast Taming Dojo?! Why don't you try a gas station next time?!"
Shen Wushuang glared at Chen Shu, his eyes brimming with disbelief.
Chen Shu looked as though he'd just received divine inspiration.
"Uh... I've BBQ'd in an Alternate Dimension, and I've BBQ'd in a public toilet, but I actually haven't tried a gas station yet — thanks for the suggestion, Teacher! I'll head there right now!"
With that, Chen Shu scampered off toward the exit.
"FREEZE!"
Shen Wushuang snatched the fleeing Chen Shu by the collar.
"Teacher Shen, I'll pay! I'll pay whatever it costs!"
Chen Shu knew there was no escaping this one. He could only accept his fate.
"Hmph! Every last yuan of the damages is coming out of YOUR pocket!"
"No problem!"
Chen Shu agreed without hesitation. As long as money could make this go away, he didn't care how much.
Half an hour later, the dojo had sorted everything out.
In the end, Chen Shu paid a whopping 300,000 yuan in damages. The spiritual energy absorption equipment was involved, so naturally the cost was astronomical.
And with that, he'd been successfully added to the blacklist of "The Best Beast Taming Dojo in the City"...
"Damn it! One BBQ session cost me 300,000 yuan! That's absolutely absurd!"
Chen Shu couldn't help but grumble.
"YOU think it's absurd?!"
Shen Wushuang's mouth twitched. In all his years, he'd truly never met someone who'd BBQ'd inside a cultivation chamber.
He'd gone to the bathroom for five minutes, and the entire dojo nearly burned down. Who the hell was he supposed to complain to?
"Chen Shu, step outside with me. Everyone else, continue your cultivation!"
Chen Shu hung his head and shuffled out of the cultivation chamber.
Shen Wushuang asked: "You really don't want to cultivate?"
"I don't have the talent. I can't even achieve the most basic meditative state."
"Then how did your Beast Tamer level get so high?"
"Uh... by courting death..."
"By WHAT?!"
Chen Shu's mouth twitched. He honestly had no idea how to explain the source of his Beast Taming Power.
"Teacher Shen, I promise! By the end of the year at the latest, I'll definitely be a Level 9 Beast Tamer! Can't you just let me go?"
Shen Wushuang rubbed his chin. "So what are you planning to do for these two months?"
He couldn't change the entire teaching schedule for one student. Besides, dedicated cultivation was a mandatory course for everyone.
"I've got my own plans. I guarantee that in two months, I'll be a Level 9 Beast Tamer!"
Shen Wushuang thought it over for a moment. "Fine. I'll trust you one more time."
"Also — whatever happens out there, do NOT drop my name!"
Shen Wushuang added this warning. The last thing he needed was to get dragged away by the Spirit Suppression Bureau in the middle of a lecture.
"Absolutely no problem!"
Chen Shu agreed instantly, making the promise without a shred of hesitation.
Ding!
New recipe unlocked: Endurance Potion!
The journey had been convoluted, but the destination was exactly where he'd wanted to be...
In truth, Shen Wushuang hadn't wanted to let Chen Shu off this easily. But the kid was already on the dojo's blacklist.
If he insisted on keeping him around, they'd have to pay a "risk fee" of 10,000 yuan per day...
Chen Shu slung on his backpack and strode out of the Beast Taming Dojo.
"That kid really is a goddamn legend!"
Shen Wushuang had only known Chen Shu for a little over two months.
But the memories were already burned deep — he'd probably never forget them for the rest of his life...
Though he'd lost 300,000 yuan, Chen Shu had added yet another bold stroke to his absurd life...