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Translator note: I'm glad Chloe finally opened up to Julius about her past, and his response was unexpectedly comforting 😊
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Closing Distance and an Unsettling Morning - 2
Julius was holding my hand. When Roge grabbed my hand, it felt eerie, but being held by Julius's firm and rugged yet somehow delicate hand didn't feel unpleasant. On the contrary, it was very reassuring.
I desperately wanted to avert my eyes from the emotions welling up in my chest.
It's not good. It might bother Julius.
Repeating excuses in my mind, I denied my feelings. Still, I didn't want to let go of the connected hand.
"...Julius-san, please wait, you're walking too fast."
Julius's walking pace was faster than mine, and I usually ended up chasing after him, but now, because our hands were linked, I felt like I was about to stumble. Passing by several shops still illuminated, we finally stopped in front of the fountain in the main square.
With Julius's hand still grasped in mine, I regulated my breathing.
It wasn't not good to walk briskly after eating. It was hard to breathe but it might have been good exercise.
The sky above the dark square was twinkling with shining stars, and a round moon shone as if it had been cut out from the sun itself.
The faint sound of the fountain constantly spouting water echoed softly. The moonlight reflecting on the rippling water surface seemed to flicker as if there were another sky within the water.
Julius's golden hair also shone in the moonlight. I recalled what Roge said about the Seraphim, the archangels who are said to govern the celestial realm within the otherworld. I think they must have had a beautiful appearance like Julius's.
"Um, thank you... for helping me when I was troubled by Roge-san touching my hands."
Julius, who had stopped, didn't try to let go of my hand.
With my other hand, I timidly touched Julius's linked hand, as if enveloping it.
"Was it bothersome?"
Julius said quietly.
His clear blue eye, like the sky in which Helios enjoyed freedom, and the red artificial eye based on the jewel I made, locked with mine. I wish I had made them both the same color.
Julius's blue eye was already quite beautiful, so I felt like I added something unnecessary. At the same time, I couldn't help but feel incredibly happy that the eyes I made were fitted into Julius's body.
To think such a thing... What was wrong with me today?
I haven't had any alcohol, but maybe I was affected by the atmosphere.
"Bothersome...? No, I was happy." I shook my head.
Would I feel relieved if I said what's been inside me all this time to someone?
Would the tightness in my chest, the discomfort, be relieved?
I wasn't... Chloe-chan, the cute alchemist.
I was still the same cowardly Chloe from long ago.
A liar, pretending to be someone else.
Always putting on a smile.
Completely different from Julius, who was always strong.
That's why I couldn't look at Julius properly.
My eyes hurt. For some reason, I felt like crying. It seemed like I couldn't control my emotions well.
"...Julius-san, I... I'm not good with men."
"I know. ...I can tell just by looking at you."
Indeed, Julius must have known, and that was why he helped me.
If I let my guard down, I felt like I might start crying.
"But, Julius-san, you're the only one I'm not afraid of. Being touched by you, being together with you, it's not scary. I'm okay with you."
"You're a fool. And too kind-hearted on top of that... I'm a killer. I'm not as good of a person as you think."
Julius said in a flat voice, as if confirming an obvious fact.
I gripped Julius's hand with both of mine tightly.
"Even if you have killed someone, there are still plenty of scary people out there... Three years ago, I was suddenly thrown into prison... and then, I was abandoned in the back alleys of the capital. ...The soldier who rescued me from prison, and then some other men, they... they..."
"Chloe. Stay silent."
I was told sternly by Julius, and I closed my mouth.
"No, huh...? You don't want to hear it, right...?"
I tried to let go of Julius's hand.
Yeah, that was right, you don't want to hear it. It was an unpleasant story. Even if you hear it, it won't be enjoyable, it'll just make you feel sick.
Wanting to talk, wanting someone to listen, was just selfish, for my own satisfaction, because I wanted to lighten my heart---selfish.
I had to be the usual cheerful Chloe, didn't I?
I bought Julius as the cute alchemist Chloe. So, revealing such a story now would just be a bother.
Julius pulled my hand back as I tried to let go.
Then, as if protecting me from all enemies, he embraced my body. His grip washed strong and a bit painful, but warm and very reassuring.
"...No, that's not it. It's not like that... Living with a facade is difficult too. You're doing well. That's why you don't need to tell everything."
"Why... Why are you so kind? It's too cunning... cunning, isn't it?"
Being in his arms, my facade was completely useless, and I couldn't be my usual cheery self anymore.
I ended up wanting to rely on him. Reverting to my weak self. I struggled to break free, but there was a difference in strength, and my resistance was futile.
While still firmly held, I relaxed my tense body, listening to the regular rhythm of Julius-san's heartbeat.
"...Julius-san. If it's not too much to ask, I want you to listen... I was scared, but my master, Natalia-san, rescued me right away, so I didn't suffer much. But the memory of that time still lingers... No one helped me, and the men were cruel and scary. Even though Natalia-san saved me when nothing happened, it seems foolish, doesn't it?"
"...What happened to those guys?"
"I don't know. At that time, Natalia-san came flying on her broom and yelled, 'Scatter, you fools!' in a loud voice... and they really scattered. Just from yelling loudly. I couldn't even speak properly..."
Because I was pressing my face against Julius's black clothes, my vision was enveloped in darkness. His firm arms and body didn't scare me.
The slightly low and sweet voice of Julius, who usually spinned nothing but sarcasm, felt comforting.
For the first time, I was able to talk about what happened back then to someone. Earlier, no matter who asked, I would have laughed it off and said, "I was dumped in the alley," but I was so scared that I couldn't even talk about it..
"Chloe... If you wish, I'll find them all and kill them." Julius was as ruthless as ever.
I remembered him saying something similar on the day I brought him from the slave arena. In Julius's arms, I let out a small laugh. With the laughter, my body trembled, and tears flowed from the corners of my eyes.
"Thank you... I'm fine now. But it's no good, right? Even though I think I've become strong and have to live alone, sometimes I revert to my old self... Weak and useless, right?"
"Is it wrong for you to be weak? ...Being strong isn't always right."
"Is that so...? Aren't you disgusted by me being like this, relying on you and complaining?"
Julius disliked crying women, didn't he? I thought he disliked troublesome women too. Actually, he just disliked noisy people.
Yet, he was so kind to me like this, so it felt cunning, didn't it?
"Chloe, I am strong. Therefore, it's fine for you to be weak."
"What do you mean by that?"
"...Whether you're weak or strong doesn't matter to me. I'm your slave. As long as there's a contract, I'll obey you. That's all."
"...Yeah. That's right. ...Thank you."
I gently pulled away from Julius.
It seemed like I misunderstood everything. Julius was bought by me. He was only with me because of the contract.
Still, I wished he wouldn't be kind to me. I might start liking him. I might start feeling like I was special. That was scary. I was cowardly, always thinking about losing things and being afraid.
There was no guarantee that we'd always be together, and I was taking away Julius's freedom.
So, it was no good after all.
I tried to laugh as usual. I thought I'd joke, saying, "Julius-san is kind because he's drunk," but tears overflowed from the corners of my eyes and fell.
"Chloe..."
Gently, his hand touched my cheek. Julius-san's fingertips wiped away the tears running down my face.
I rubbed my cheeks vigorously with both hands and put on the usual smile as much as possible.
"Let's go home, Julius-san. Look, the moon is directly above us, it's already midnight... Tomorrow... tomorrow, right? Or is it already today? When morning comes, I'll use the finest materials I obtained to create an amazing alchemical item and sell it..."
"Chloe... Stay silent."
Julius took my hand again.
I thought he was going to embrace me, but he made me hide behind him.
At the same time, the scattered footsteps of several people echoed in the dark square.