Ch. 46 - The Feeling of Liking Someone

When does a person start liking someone?

Is it born from a fleeting, unforgettable moment, that first glance upon meeting, a glimpse of their hidden side, a smile so gentle it lingers long after it fades, or perhaps from something as simple as an eraser, or a tissue offered in passing?

Or maybe it takes shape over time.

Through countless, unremarkable days spent together, talks that never grow dull no matter how long they last, steps that fall naturally into rhythm side by side, instinctively wanting to share joy or shoulder sorrow together. 

Until one day, when that person is gone, you suddenly realize a vital piece of your life’s puzzle has vanished with them.

Yet no matter how it happens, whether in an instant or across years, Harutaki wouldn’t believe anyone could fall for someone just because they'd been bullied or been bullied by them.

That wasn’t love. That was sickness.

“Since you can’t fight back, you might as well enjoy it, huh?”

Her soft, rose-tinted eyes were hazy, like misted glass.

Harutaki’s hand, reaching toward the hem of her skirt, froze midair.

...Maybe this was going too far.

Nogami lay perfectly still, offering no resistance at all. That quiet submission, an unspoken do as you wish,  stirred something dangerous inside him.

Abstinence during puberty... was truly hellish.

His mind scolded him to stop, but his blood had other ideas.

“I’m taking this off, alright?”

“......”

“Let’s guess the color first.”

“......”

“Your hair tie and phone case are pink. I bet your underwear’s something in that range, pink and white, maybe?”

“Trash...”

“Oh? I thought Nogami-san had already decided to just enjoy the experience quietly.”

“Stop joking about disgusting things like that!”

Slap!

A scalding pain exploded across his left cheek, so sharp it killed even the lecherous smirk trying to hold its ground.

The heat that had filled the room only seconds ago vanished into an icy silence, so thick it seemed to freeze the air itself.

oth of them, one sitting, one lying down, stiffened like mannequins.

“...Sorry.”

After a long pause, Harutaki slid off of her, sitting at the edge of the bed to steady his breathing and wrestle down the shame burning in his chest.

Was he really just trying to make her realize her mistakes,  or was that just a self-righteous excuse for something far uglier?

That damned “instinct” between his legs, so terrifyingly persuasive.

But hiding behind excuses wasn’t his style.

In the end, he’d forced his own confused feelings, his vague, guilty longing, onto her.

He told himself it was justice, that she needed a lesson for her cruelty, but somewhere along the way he’d fallen into the sandpit called love, where even righteous anger could rot into lust.

“How pathetic. You think that kind of third-rate acting can fool me? You pin down a girl and then freeze up before even taking off her underwear, what a joke.”

Nogami pushed herself up from the messy bed, pressing one hand against the sheets, the other tugging down her nightdress. Her long, bare legs tucked together beneath her.

The tears she’d just shed might as well have belonged to someone else.

“Virgin. Gross. Don’t tell me that kiss earlier was your first too? One little taste of a girl and you already can’t control yourself?”

“Sure, I was the one who messed up first, but I only touched your face. Didn’t even go near your thighs. And what’s wrong with being a virgin? That’s not shameful! I’m not proud, but I’ve stayed pure for sixteen years because I wanted to give my first time to someone I actually like. How is that disgusting?”

He pressed a hand over his stinging cheek, grumbling.

“What, Nogami-san, are you the experienced one here?”

“Ugh... Y-yeah! I… I totally seduced the ace of the baseball club! We, uh, went all night for our first time!”

“Oh, impressive. So, then you know how to use protection, right?”

Her brain stalled for a beat. Then she blurted out, red-faced:

“O-Of course not! Who needs that!”

“...And then what happened after that?”

“...What do you mean, after that?”

“I mean, surely someone as experienced as you has, y’know... tried the back, right?”

“...The back... works too?!”

“Hm?”

Harutaki turned slightly to glance at her out of the corner of his eye.

Her face was crimson, practically steaming. She was so flustered she didn’t even notice him looking.

“M-my... my... my, !”

You’ve got to be kidding me, That kind of perverted stuff? Just imagining it was unbearable.

“An entire night for your first time, huh? What are you, a half-succubus princess? Maybe that guy should quit baseball and go into adult films. ‘Nogami: the Unblooded Duchess of Edo’has a nice ring to it.”

“......”

Her fist clenched, then loosened. Finally, she let out a long sigh, shut her eyes, and admitted defeat.

“Fine! I’m a virgin! You happy now?! And even if I am,  you’re the one who got your first kiss stolen by a girl you don’t even like! What’s so great about that, huh, Hoshikawa?!”

...Why does she make it sound like I’m the one who suffered a loss?

Harutaki didn’t answer. 

That unexpected kiss from earlier still lingered in his mind, leaving him unsure how to even look at her now.

The room filled once again with a strange, heavy silence.

And for Nogami, whose flimsy lie had just been shredded, there was nothing left but the suffocating weight of shame.

Did he really like Nogami?

Did he like her, or just the way she looked?

If they were both just fooling around, it wouldn’t matter.

No one would get hurt.

No one would carry the guilt afterward.

But she wasn’t the kind of girl you could “just play with.”

Hurting her, emotionally or otherwise, could cost him dearly.

And besides, he wasn’t the kind of scum who toyed with girls’ hearts or bodies for fun.

What he wanted wasn’t lust, but something brighter, something real,  a love that could blaze like summer fireworks.

In his previous life, with his privileged upbringing, his youth had been consumed by exams and textbooks. He’d rejected confessions from classmates, pushed away chances at romance.

Even in college, he never stopped grinding, too afraid to fall behind. Dates were rushed and soulless, meals, movies, shopping trips, amusement parks, all surface, no warmth.

And once he entered the working world, he didn’t even have time to dream about love.

In the end, after all those years of effort, he realized during job hunting

Cruel, boring, mechanical, that was life.

He swore that this time, he’d treasure this second chance at youth.

“Nogami...”

He turned, his voice quiet, uncertain.

“It’s late. Let’s... get some sleep.”

With a click, she reached for the switch, and the room plunged into darkness.

Harutaki: ?

(Author Note: Some parts are a bit strange because they were altered due to censorship.)

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