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Infirmary.
"Bro Xing, look at this. It's so embarrassing. I even have to have you peel fruit for me."
"But, I have three fruits I absolutely refuse to eat."
"First, I don't eat citrus, because its family has a chaotic and mixed history."
"Second, I don't eat strawberries, because I have trypophobia."
(TL: A fear of closely packed, small holes or patterns (like those on strawberries or beehives))
"Third, I don't eat bananas, because they are not as big as mine."
At this moment, Hu Zhongzhong lay on the infirmary bed, perfectly demonstrating the phrase "a villain's triumph"!
(TL: A villain's triumph (小人得志 - Xiǎo rén dé zhì): An idiom meaning a petty, undeserving person has briefly achieved their goal or is reveling in their small success.)
'Hehe.'
It's a rare chance to order Lu Xing around.
I ran that whole half-lap! Can't I enjoy the perks a little?
Hu Zhongzhong looked at Lu Xing, who was sitting on a chair beside the bed, peeling an apple.
The sunlight framed Lu Xing's body, plating him with a golden edge. Hu Zhongzhong's defenses instantly collapsed just watching him.
'Damn it, so incredibly handsome. Holy f*ck!'
Lu Xing lifted an eyelid to look at him and stated calmly.
"I have three conditions for choosing friends."
"First, I must make friends who are ugly, because that will highlight my handsomeness."
"Second, I must make friends who are stupid, because that will highlight my intelligence."
"Third, I must make friends who are physically weak, because that makes it convenient for me to bully them."
Silence... Absolute silence...
It was like Garen buying a Last Whisper.
Silence, plus armor-piercing damage.
(TL: League of Legends reference.)
Hu Zhongzhong instantly went mute.
'Damn it.'
The twelve scrolls of the military book, every scroll has my name written on it, is that it?
(TL: A highly self-deprecating Chinese internet meme used when someone feels they are the target of a joke, insult, or bad luck. It means, "Am I the designated victim in every scenario?")
Seeing Hu Zhongzhong silenced, Lu Xing chuckled and returned to peeling the apple.
This "four-nerd" was being ridiculous again.
Just a moment ago, the school doctor had confirmed that Hu Zhongzhong was perfectly fine. It was purely a combination of zero exercise and skipping breakfast, which led to low blood sugar.
Lu Xing thought to himself, thank goodness he hadn't been around when Hu Zhongzhong fainted.
Otherwise, if Hu Zhongzhong had suddenly dropped to his knees and kowtowed to him before passing out, he would have been mortified!
"Bro Xing, if you always talk like that, you'll never have a girlfriend."
Hu Zhongzhong looked at Lu Xing pointedly.
"How about this? Call me 'daddy,' and I'll teach you a few killer moves for picking up girls. Guaranteed success!"
Lu Xing was too lazy to engage with him.
But Hu Zhongzhong became even more enthusiastic, because he suddenly realized:
He had shared every detail about his "2D waifus" with Lu Xing, but Lu Xing had never mentioned his own ideal type!
Where is the fairness? Where is the law in that?
"Bro Xing, tell me your ideal type. What kind do you like? I promise on my life not to tell anyone else!"
Hu Zhongzhong leaned on the edge of the bed, blinking rapidly, looking at Lu Xing with an intense thirst for knowledge.
Lu Xing finished peeling the apple, and under Hu Zhongzhong's expectant gaze, he took a huge bite.
'Mm!'
Delicious!
Hu Zhongzhong: ???
'You didn't peel that for me?'
How narcissistic can one person be, bro?
Lu Xing crossed his legs, bit into the apple again, and mused over Hu Zhongzhong's question.
"My ideal type...
is preferably a rich old lady who gets married in the morning, dies in the afternoon, and leaves all her property to me!"
Hu Zhongzhong: ...
The level of savagery... it's beyond comprehension!
Cough, cough.
Secretary Zhao, who was following closely behind Wen Lingxiu at the door, cleared her throat loudly, making the two boys jump and look over.
Secretary Zhao squeezed her eyes meaningfully at Lu Xing.
'Boss's future husband, I'm giving you a heads-up. If you actually marry CEO Wen, remember to give me a fat raise!'
Wen Lingxiu was still stuck on Lu Xing's sentence.
'If she were to die in the afternoon... she could marry Lu Xing in the morning?'
But.
Can she die in two years? She still hasn't finished raising Nannan.
Da da da.
Wen Lingxiu walked steadily toward Lu Xing in her high heels and asked gently.
"Is your body uncomfortable anywhere?"
'Didn't the homeroom teacher on the phone say Lu Xing was unconscious and incoherent?'
How come he looks... so full of life right now?
Lu Xing always reported good news, not bad news, to his grandparents. Furthermore, ordinary people couldn't really help him with his affairs.
So when the school required a parent's number, Lu Xing hadn't given his grandparents' contact.
"Oh, oh, it's like this. I was blah blah blah, he was blah blah blah, the teacher was gu ta na hahaha, so it was crackle crackle..."
(TL: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
After a round of abstract descriptions using noises and frantic gestures, Wen Lingxiu finally understood the chaotic misunderstanding.
She didn't feel that her frantic trip had been wasted. Instead, she let out a profound sigh of relief and said softly.
"It's good that you're okay."
Lu Xing pulled up two chairs for CEO Wen and Secretary Zhao, then gestured toward Hu Zhongzhong.
"If anyone's in trouble, it's him. Hu Zhongzhong, you..."
Lu Xing turned back and found that Hu Zhongzhong, the boy who had just been trying to teach him seduction tricks, looked like he had stared into the eyes of Medusa.
His whole body was utterly frozen, completely motionless. It looked like even if he were medically cured, he would still just drool.
Wen Lingxiu's confused gaze questioned Lu Xing: [Is your classmate... mentally challenged?]
She didn't dare to show too much obvious reaction, fearing Hu Zhongzhong might actually be disabled. If she laughed, she would lose merit points.
Hu Zhongzhong suddenly felt his face burning with shame.
'Damn it.'
He had just tried to teach Lu Xing "killer moves for picking up girls"?
F*ck!
Can't you look at the woman in front of you? Forget her beauty, every single part of her screams luxury brand and elite taste!
Hu Zhongzhong asked stiffly.
"Bro Xing, is this your..."
Lu Xing paused for a moment. He truly couldn't think of a suitable term to define their exact relationship.
After just a few seconds of hesitation.
Wen Lingxiu moved from passively expecting Lu Xing to speak, to actively taking the initiative to explain.
"I am Lu Xing's little aunt."
Little aunt?
Good, good, good. Hu Zhongzhong's heart immediately relaxed.
People.
They're both afraid of their brothers suffering, and also afraid of their brothers driving a Land Rover.
If Lu Xing had truly found such an intellectual, elegant, and wealthy girlfriend, Hu Zhongzhong would have been crying tears of envy.
Secretary Zhao did her best to breathe lightly to reduce her presence.
'Oh, heavens.'
She had underestimated Lu Xing's importance to CEO Wen.
To save him from strange looks from his classmates, CEO Wen was willing to publicly call herself his "little aunt"!
She really has the audacity to say anything for him.
Bang!
A loud noise suddenly came from outside the door. Everyone looked toward the entrance.
A dazzling head of long golden hair appeared. Xia Yeshuang stood there, leaning heavily on the doorframe, panting hard.
She looked like she had sprinted the entire way. Her cheeks were flushed from exertion, and several strands of hair were plastered messily to her forehead, cheeks, and neck.
Almost the instant she saw the golden hair, Wen Lingxiu immediately remembered the scene of Lu Xing walking with that girl weeks ago.
'This is... Lu Xing's girlfriend?'
Wen Lingxiu suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of embarrassment.
The walls around her and the ceiling above seemed to be squeezing in on her, making it nearly impossible to breathe.
'What am I, then?'
When she saw the golden-haired girl in the doorway, Secretary Zhao's eyelids twitched violently. It looked like she definitely wouldn't be getting off work early today.
Hu Zhongzhong silently knelt on the bed and made the sign of the cross on his chest.
"Great God of Stars, you are my father. Please teach me your pickup skills, I convert to Star-ism!"
Before the subtly charged atmosphere could fully take hold, Lu Xing’s scalp began to tingle. He immediately stood up, walked quickly to Xia Yeshuang's side, and said with a bright smile.
"Sister Xia, you're back!"
Last time, Auntie Wen's defenses crumbled just from seeing Little Goldie. He had to prevent any further emotionally damaging scenes.
Xia Yeshuang leaned on the door, looked up at Lu Xing, and asked, confused.
"You're okay? Weren't you seriously injured?"
Lu Xing: Hmm?
"Don't believe in rumors, don't spread rumors."
"Oh, oh, it's like this. I was blah blah blah, he was blah blah blah, the teacher was gu ta na hahaha, so it was crackle crackle..."
Lu Xing copied and pasted the exact sequence of nonsensical sounds and gestures he had just given to CEO Wen.
Once she realized Lu Xing was fine, Xia Yeshuang let out a huge sigh of relief, but then asked, bewildered.
"Why are you standing in the doorway?"
Saying that, she walked around Lu Xing and strode confidently into the room.
...
...